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Hi! Welcome back to Human, Anyway.
I’m really glad you’re here.
This is the space where we talk honestly about, like, what it actually means to be human… especially when you don’t fit into those neat boxes people expect you to.
And today we’re diving into something that, I think, sits right at the heart of so many disabled and neurodivergent experiences.
The difference between being visible…
and being seen.
They sound the same on paper, but if you’ve lived even a little of this, you know they’re nowhere near the same thing.
So, settle in, get comfortable.
This one matters.
Alright, let’s start with visibility.
Visibility is basically the world saying, “Yeah, I can see you exist.”
Like… someone registers your presence.
They notice you.
But they don’t actually understand anything beyond that.
It’s surface-level.
It’s like being acknowledged but not recognised.
Not really.
And visibility can be pretty hollow.
I think a lot of us know that feeling of being looked at, but not actually understood.
You can be visible and totally misunderstood.
You can be visible and still have your needs pushed aside.
You can be visible and feel like you’re constantly having to manage how people interpret you.
For disabled and neurodivergent folks, visibility is often loaded with assumptions.
Like:
Someone uses a wheelchair so people assume helplessness instead of, you know, independence.
A student with ADHD gets noticed for being “distracted” but no one sees the mental effort happening underneath.
An autistic person stims, and yeah, people notice but the interpretation is often wrong.
Visibility shows people the outside.
Being seen shows them the truth.
And the gap between those two?
It’s huge.
Like… emotionally huge.
Let’s talk about what it feels like when people don’t actually see you.
Because I think that’s where the real hurt sits.
You explain something your needs, your experience and people, like, nod politely but still don’t get it.
You try to be honest and the reaction is confusion, or disbelief, or that classic “Everyone feels like that sometimes” line.
And it’s exhausting.
Honestly exhausting.
Not being seen can make you feel:
• misunderstood
• tired to your bones
• invisible in all the wrong ways
• like you’re overreacting, even when you aren’t
• like you have to shrink yourself to be easier for people
When you’re visible but not understood, you stop being a person to people.
You sort of become a projection of whatever stereotype they already have in their head.
You turn into:
• “inspirational,” but unsupported
• “quirky,” but unheard
• “strong,” but never allowed to rest
• “capable,” but denied accommodations
• “fine,” because you look fine
It’s, like… emotionally flattening.
People see the outline of you, but not the you-you.
And that’s where burnout grows.
Where masking becomes survival instead of choice.
Where loneliness sneaks in, even in rooms full of people.
So let’s zoom out for a second.
Why does this even happen?
Why is society so bad at seeing people clearly?
I think there are a few pretty big reasons:
1. People love assumptions.
Assumptions are easy.
Curiosity takes effort.
2. Media only shows extremes.
It’s either tragic or inspirational nothing in the middle.
So when real people show up, they don’t fit the “story.”
3. A lot of struggles are invisible.
Chronic illnesses.
Executive dysfunction.
Masking fatigue.
Sensory overload.
Internal chaos that doesn’t look dramatic.
If someone doesn’t know what they’re looking at, they miss it completely.
4. Systems are built for the so-called “average person.”
Workplaces.
Schools.
Healthcare.
They’re all designed around one type of body, one type of brain, one type of need.
And if you fall outside that, you get ignored or mislabelled.
5. Society rewards people for appearing fine.
Like… if you look like you’re coping, you get praised.
And if you show the reality?
People get uncomfortable.
Which is wild, but also very real.
So, okay let’s talk about being seen.
Because it’s not complicated, but it’s also kind of everything.
Being seen is someone actually listening.
Not just waiting for you to finish talking.
Listening.
It’s someone believing you the first time not after you convince them.
It’s having your needs taken seriously.
It’s someone recognising that your experience is valid, even if they haven’t lived it.
Being seen sounds like:
• “I might not fully understand, but I believe you.”
• “Tell me what helps.”
• “You don’t have to hide that with me.”
• “It makes total sense you’d feel that way.”
And it feels like… relief.
Like you can finally drop your shoulders.
Like you don’t have to perform a version of yourself that makes sense to other people.
It’s not about attention.
It’s about connection.
So, what do we actually do with all of this?
How do we create spaces communities, friendships, relationships where people are genuinely seen?
Here are a few things I think make a huge difference:
1. Ask questions with actual curiosity.
Not the interrogating kind the gentle kind.
Like, “What’s that like for you?”
2. Treat lived experience as actual expertise.
Because it is.
3. Believe people without making them prove anything.
If someone says they’re struggling, believe them.
4. Make accessibility the default, not an add-on.
It shouldn’t be a bonus.
It should be part of the foundation.
5. Challenge stereotypes even the subtle ones.
Especially the “You don’t look disabled” type comments.
6. Give people room to unmask.
Let them drop the performance without punishment.
7. Hold space for complexity.
People aren’t simple.
We’re layered.
Messy.
Interesting.
Being seen requires making space for that.
As we wrap up, I want to leave you with a couple of questions to take into your day:
Who in your life is visible
but not actually seen?
Who is showing up as “fine,”
when you can kind of tell the truth is more complicated?
And where in your own life do you feel visible but not truly understood?
What parts of yourself have you been shrinking or smoothing over so people don’t misread you?
This podcast exists to make space for those questions.
To push back on the idea that visibility is enough.
Because being seen really seen is one of the most human things we need.
Thank you for being here with me today on Human, Anyway.
If this conversation meant something to you, sharing it or leaving a review genuinely helps this space reach more people who might need it.
And remember:
Visibility is what people notice.
Being seen is who you are.
And you deserve that fully, honestly, without performance.
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